y00r ugly audit!

Paste your website. We grade it the way your customers do: in three seconds, on a phone, with no mercy. (Then we show you the fix.)

SpeedThe Lighthouse scores people know (Performance, SEO, Accessibility, Best Practices), phone and desktop, the Core Web Vitals, and what your page weighs.
Phones and GoogleWhere your customers are, and whether Google can tell what you do: titles, headings, your phone and address, sitemap, broken links.
AI (GEO)Can ChatGPT, Perplexity, Google's AI and friends read your site? Are their bots even allowed in?
TrustThe padlock, a privacy policy, a way to reach you, accessibility basics. Do you look legit?
The moneyAn estimate of what the problems we measured may be costing you a month, from your own numbers. The math and sources shown.
Yours vs y00r'sWe rebuild your site for free while you read, then grade ours the same way. Fair fight.

Free, about a minute. No email. No sales call. Just the truth, with jokes. Audit a site that is yours (or one you are allowed to judge): we read the one page at that address the way a visitor would, and nothing on your site changes.

The ugly audit of

/100

Fix these three first

Same business. New website. Look at those numbers.

While you read, y00r rebuilt your site from scratch: same words, same photos, none of the ugly. Then we graded ours the same way.

01Speed: how long they wait

The numbers people know: Lighthouse scores every page from 0 to 100 in four ways. 90 and up is good. Under 50 is poor. The test loads your page on a simulated mid-range phone on a slow 4G network, because that is how a lot of your customers meet you.

Core Web Vitals

Weighed by hand

y00r loaded the page and everything it pulls in, the way a visitor's phone has to.

02Phones: where your customers are

03Google: can it tell what you do?

The basics Google reads, line by line: what we found, why it costs you, the one-line fix. (Lighthouse's own SEO score, up in Speed, checks the technical ones; this list adds the local ones.) Every y00r site is built with these from day one.

04AI: can ChatGPT read you?

Try it yourself: ask two AI assistants the question your customers ask, the way they ask it. Ask twice: the answers change. The free lesson on getting named.

05Trust: do you look legit?

Accessibility basics

Under the hood

06Money: what this costs you

Your numbers in, our math out, every step shown. We started from typical numbers for your kind of business (with sources); change them to yours. Only what we measured (speed, phones, a way to reach you) turns into dollars. Search and AI findings stay risks: nobody can honestly price those.

Show the math (and where every number comes from)

Now what?

Ugly fix!

A y00r site: fast, made for phones, secure, readable by Google and AI. You change it by chatting.

Fix my ugly

Email me this report

Share it, save it

Send it to whoever runs the website. Or print it and leave it on their desk. Dramatically.

Rather fix it yourself? You can. The Ugly Fix teaches all of it, free. Learning digital marketing is a lifelong journey: trust the process, if you have the time and patience, that iz! In a hurry? We do it for you (we ain't cheap).

How we score, and every source